We're Two Now
by eliphya
Summary: AU. "Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." - Vicki Harrison [OS l NaruHina] [Major Character Death]


It had already been hours since Naruto laid down but he didn't even get one minute of sleep. His eyes were shut tight and his limbs still without any motion but his body was restless and his mind full with images that kept him awake.

Despite the stuffy air and the feeling of suffocating, he didn't have the energy to move and do anything about it. Every particle of him was exhausted and desired to reach the unconsciousness.

However his refusal to move was forgotten, when the dashing cry of his son Boruto resounded in the darkness of the room.  
Naruto rose his head immediately, he hadn't slept at all but still needed a second to orientate himself in the bleak nighttime. Without losing too much time, he hasted towards the crib of the child, positioned next to the dresser in the room.

The father slipped his hands under the wiggling baby and lifted him carefully.  
"Shh. I'm here."

 _He didn't even feel the pain in his knees. How long had he been kneeling like this already?  
_ _Hours past swiftly like a wind breeze, but unable to carry the suffering in his chest with it.  
_ _The room of the wake was quiet. Unbearably and ear piercingly quiet._

He held the crying boy against his chest and bobbed him up and down, already walking out of the bedroom.

His way to the kitchen was quickly found, where Naruto started to prepare a bottle for the child, who was wetting his shirt with his tears and snot.

 _"He hasn't even moved from there once and most of the guest have already left."  
_

Naruto didn't need light to coordinate himself, he knew his way around his apartment blindly. Also the lack of illumination would prevent him from seeing his reflection, which would be something awful to look at right now by what he assumed. He knew that his appearance was miserable, but he didn't require a reminder of that.

Heating up the bottle seemingly took longer than usual. Maybe because he hadn't put Boruto down so his crying buzzed against his eardrums or maybe because never in his life had he felt this sleep deprived and exhausted before.

 _Flowers over flowers graced the shrine. Colors that were too bright and happy for this occasion. They smelled a little, and spread their light fragrance in the air, like it wanted to cover the sorrow in the room._

After testing the temperature of the child's food, Naruto sat down on the couch in the living room. With one swift movement he switched on the nightstand next to him and laid the one-year-old in a comfortable position on his lap.  
No sooner the nipple of the bottle was in his son's mouth, silence returned. The stillness felt too abrupt in his ears. It was suddenly too overwhelmingly quiet.

He tried to concentrate on the noise of Boruto sucking on the bottle and the way he exhaled through his nose from time to time.  
Silence was his enemy because the nothingness made him think. How long did he already want to let go of that sullen whirring in his head that kept him from sleeping and eating in peace.

 _"Naruto you haven't eaten anything today, come and eat something with us, huh?"_

Naruto captured the clock on the shelf next to the tv. It was 4 am. Just the figure of that number made him yawn. Blinking he thought that he really needed some sleep soon before he fainted from exhaustion.

He roamed his eyes through the room a little bit more. The plant next to the door to the kitchen had died. He forgot watering it for a while. The time when he had been so proud of having it raised so well appeared so far away from this day.

The room was tidy but dotted with little reminders of his wife. Naruto had left everything the way it was, scared of blurring her traces in their home.  
The water bottle she had left next to the nightstand was still positioned under the lamp in its half drunken state. The hair pins she had removed when loosening her bun were still spread on the coffee table. One of her cardigans she had taken off when it got too hot the other day, was still laying over the armrest of the chair.

He wanted to see her face so badly that it hurt. But the sparse light wasn't enough to recognize more than dark shadows in the picture frames on the wall and the cupboard.

 _The frame he had stared at for this long was decorated. A black bow hanging down from the top, framing his wife's smile.  
_ _Hinata's head was lightly tilted, her long hair in a braid that fell down from her shoulder.  
_ _Her smile was delicate and lovely, fitting into to ambient of blossom surrounding her. It was like the flowers around her advanced to her to reach her beauty one day._

Just when he turned his head to the tall window on the other side he realized that a soft rain was drumming against the glass. The world outside of it was black and windy.

He looked back at his son, who was watching his father. The little one squirmed when their eyes finally met, his chubby fingers enveloping the bottle in his mouth firmer. The light of the nightstand reflected in his big eyes and made them sparkle.  
With the thumb of the hand he used to hold his son's head Naruto stroked the soft hair on his back.

 _Thinking that this person was no more. The person he needed the most in the world wouldn't be there anymore to pat his back when embracing him, corded up his airway.  
_ _But he still sat there immobile, his cruel reality eating him alive._

The baby finished his bottle rather quickly and after making the child burp and realizing that he was too lively to to be put to sleep, Naruto sat Boruto down to his toys. Leaving the child encircled by the plushies and plastic toys, Naruto stood at his place for a while.

A minute ticked away on the clock and he still stood there, keeping his position. Motionless, mindless, without any plan of what to do from now on.  
He sighed and let himself fall back on the couch in a hearable manner. The sudden noise didn't disturb Boruto the slightest, who was busy playing with a plastic ball that resounded when shaking it.

Naruto buried his face in his hands before moving them to tear is hair out. Under closed eyes he in- and exhaled slowly.  
The pain in his chest made it presence felt. It seemed like something hard being constantly and unyieldingly pushed against him. As if it tried to pierce through him.  
The dull ache had stayed as his companion the past days.

 _"I'm sorry for your loss."_

Suddenly he sensed something warm on his cheek. He looked up to the twinkling eyes of his son, who tottered unsteady on his feet. The boy looked at him lightheartedly, not backing away an inch with his consoling hand.

"Boruto," Naruto's widened eyes travelled his son from his head to his naked toes. "you're walking," he whispered as if his voice could disturb anyones slumber.

 _"Hinata, the books said that he should be walking at least by the time he hits 12 months," Naruto called from the living room. Hinata's head popped out of the door frame. She approached the man holding their child, while wiping her hands on her yellow colored apron._

 _Naruto had lifted the child up to his feet and moved forward a little to make Boruto walk. But the baby didn't do to his father's wishes and instead crouched down._

 _"He is already 13 months old and doesn't even have the desire to walk." Naruto knitted his brows and eyed his son desperately. Hinata halted to watch that image of her husband and son for a while, making a mental picture so she could carry it eternally with her._

 _"No that's the common time for a child to start walking. They said it could take longer than that." She looked down at Boruto, who had crawled to her side and traced the flower shaped emblem on her slippers with his fingers._

 _"Still, I'm worried." Naruto raised a finger to his chin. "Maybe there is something wrong with him. Should we get him checked up?"_

 _"What are you talking about. He is totally fine." Hinata picked up her son, as if she wanted to protect him from his father's thoughts and words. She looked at the child in her arms, who returned the gaze curiously._

 _"Aren't I right Boruto? Daddy is going crazy," she said playfully and made the child jump in her hug. Boruto gave a laugh and threw his arms around his mothers neck, not being able to embrace her completely."_

 _The father narrowed his brows. "I'm being serious right now."_

 _Hinata looked up at him, mirroring the smile Boruto had displayed. "Don't worry." She adjusted the child in her arms. "He will walk when there is something he wants to reach."_

Naruto choked up when he took Boruto's little hand in his. The child grasped one of Naruto's fingers and stretched his other hand towards his father's cheek, that was moist from his tear drops. Naruto pressed his trembling lips together, wanting to control the outburst of his emotions again.

Boruto staggered a little when he took some more steps towards the man and right when he was about to fall over, Naruto slipped his hands under his arms and held him up to his eye level.

"What do you think, buddy? Can we do this?" Naruto smiled softly at the boy wiggling with his feet as his answer. It had been a while since he had felt a gleam of joy in his chest. It was like the warmth of his son relieved the ache in his heart.  
Boruto was all Naruto had left now. He was a gift that needed to be cherished and loved to the highest.

Naruto held the child closer, pushing his little head lightly against his chest. The boy halted all his movements and leaned against his father, his eyes turning with emerging sleepiness. One little fist he had already placed in his mouth, nibbling on it while slowly but steadily dozing off.

"It's just the two of us now."


End file.
